When Flirting Becomes Cheating...

You are talking to a great new person, and energy is pumping; witty banter is flowing; sparks are flying; the moment's perfect-but wait, you're attached! This all could be innocent feelings of flirting, but how far does the situation have to go before things aren't so innocent anymore? When does flirting become cheating?

The intent of flirtation is to get another person's attention for romantic reasons, and if you're already committed, it can become a problem. How far can flirting go depends on the type of relationship someone is in. If you are in something casual, there is nothing wrong with checking out others. In exclusive relationships, there is little room for excessive flirting.

But who doesn't feel a bit of excitement when you get noticed by someone else? And in some cases, making eye contact with a handsome stranger in the subway is not going to damage a relationship. Flirting can be harmless and doesn't necessarily have to lead to cheating. So, why do you think we do it? Senior Mark Guim, a current boyfriend, said, "I flirt sometimes because I know nothing will ever happen from it. It's like playing with fire. Inside, I probably flirted because I was attracted to the girl, but then I would think it's just fun and games."

Another reason is that we get off the rush. We crave the high from the initial attraction we feel toward a new guy or girl. Junior Sarah McGuiness said, "When I flirt it makes me feel like I've still got it. It's an ego booster to make ourselves feel good by seeing how someone reacts."

There are several "levels" of flirting, and most of them are in the safe zone. Compliments, harmless passes or speaking with another person can be taken as flirting, but they sometimes aren't meant to be. You could be flirting and the other person could be flirting back, but that doesn't mean you're cheating. Flirting could be part of their personality. It's an intentional energy; you're choosing to send out certain vibes. Junior Desiree Hendricks said, "Girls flirt with a natural intention. Guys flirt with an agenda. They don't put themselves out there unless they want something."

Junior Phil Beduya said, "I don't think flirting is cheating, but it eventually leads to cheating. I believe that flirting is a gesture that you show to a certain person that you are interested in. It could be as simple as play fighting or teasing each other. It depends how you interpret an individual's actions."

But beware the pitfalls of flirtation. There is another type of flirting that occurs right before you are about to do something you won't be able to take back. It involves anything from the lingering hand on his arm (or vice versa) to a stolen kiss. When asked about the boundaries of flirting, Guim said, "It depends on how far it goes. Verbal flirting is fine, but physical flirting, such as touching and making out, is pushing it."

Abba Castillio, sophomore, agrees. "Flirting is not really cheating, but I think it's wrong. It shows that you have intentions [for the other person]. There are limitations. I consider cheating being physical contact like kissing and groping." True, it is not cheating necessarily (well, maybe it is according to some definitions), but it is at the edge of good behavior and bad.

Flirting becomes cheating when what you are doing is something that your partner would not approve. Beduya said, "It's when individuals commit certain actions that violate the 'rules' in a relationship. This is where you've crossed that line from playfulness into lust."

When you imply that you are unattached and available when you're not, it becomes cheating. You're doing it to let someone know that you're interested, and if they respond, you get something out of that. Junior Joanna Zavalla said, "Cheating is when you have an interest in someone other than the person you are seeing and acting on it. There are people who flirt, but after a while of doing that, they develop feelings. They are getting something out of it. Then they base some kind of relationship off of that."

You flirt in secret. Maybe it was a joke to grab that cute guy's butt, but it isn't so funny if you made sure your partner wasn't looking. If it doesn't feel right, you shouldn't be doing it. You may think you have it all, a serious relationship and so-called harmless fun on the side, but you could get that from your relationship as well. It is one thing to be outgoing and fun, it's another to find yourself constantly attracting admirers. It's not fair to send out signals that you're available and looking if you are not interested in making a love connection. You can be fun without putting out signals that you want someone.