Relationships: Why You Might Not Want to Have Sex Anymore

I was always under the impression that guys think about sex every two minutes, maybe every minute on a good day. Films like American Pie and The 40 Year Old Virgin solidified my notions, and I felt perfectly justified in my assumption that men were just horny animals. You can imagine my surprise when a male friend told me he was having problems with his wife because he wasn't in the mood to have sex as much as she was.

"There comes a point in life when an extra hour of sleep is more important than sex," he said. I was shocked! I was surprised! But most of all, I was curious.

The most common stereotype about young people is that we are having lots of sex. Yet, the vast majority of students, both male and female, interviewed aren't having as much sex as I thought.

Since when is sex the last thing on a persons mind? The media has us believing that if we're not doing it, something is wrong. So, what's up?

When it comes down to it, students are just as busy as adults. While most adults stress about work and family life, students must deal with equally stressful situations, all of which have a large impact on their relationships.

Dr. Richard N. Shadick, director of the Counseling Center and a New York State Licensed Psychologist, attributes a lack of sex drive to "stress, a lot of tests, papers, quizzes, lack of sleep, too much alcohol or drugs, [and not enough] exercise."

Telling a college student not to stress is like telling a bee not to buzz. It's understandable, with all the classes and activities the average student participates in, that sex would be the last thing on the mind at the end of the day. And eventually, after months or years together, having sex three times a day is just impossible, if not unnecessary.

Nineteen-year-old Yianni has been dating his girlfriend for a year and a half and believes that too much sex can become detrimental to the relationship. Of course, like every new couple, they used to have sex every day, but that has drastically reduced to once or twice a week. "It's more important to build a foundation. It's all about balance [and] and I don't want sex to be the only thing I do," he said.

Other factors may include prescription drugs, such as anti-depressants. Twenty-year-old Emma began taking the anti-depressant Zoloft and suddenly became disinterested in sex. Aside from her busy schedule, she just didn't have the drive. "We didn't have time, and the medication didn't make it easier. I never really wanted to do it," she said.

Those couples who experience a radical change in their sex lives may or may not see this as a problem. While some feel that spending quality time with a person is far more important than engaging in sexual activity, others may become dissatisfied with the situation. What happens then?

Aside from speaking to your partner, couples therapy has become an option not only for the married couple. Discussing the problem honestly can garner positive and long lasting results.

Shadick notes that students are welcome to come to the Counseling Center to discuss their issues. "College students do come for couple's therapy. That is an option," he explained.

Too many times people internalize their dissatisfaction, which causes an even greater problem within the relationship. In order for any relationship to work, communication is vital. Also, sex should be something that is enjoyed and not viewed as a task. And while The Forty Year Old Virgin showed us how horny men can be, it also showed that communication and friendship is far more important than sex. If you have those elements first, sex will be far more enjoyable for both you and your partner.

The Counseling Center is located on 156 William Street, 12th floor.