Holy Book Review, Batman!

Citizens, how many days have you woken up thinking that there's something foul in New Jersey (just as an example)? How many people do you know who think justice is blind as a bat, truth is something only to be told by bad liars, and that the American Way is a supermarket? How many of you would have the courage to defend your beliefs wearing, up to but not limited to, a mask, a cape and your underwear on the outside?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you should consider dropping out of all your Lubin classes and picking up a copy of The Government Manual for New Superheroes (Andrews McMeel Publishing, $10.95).

That is, unless, you're planning to join The League of Economists as The Caped Accountant.

This 140-page volume written by Matthew David Brozik and Jacob Sager Weinstein is in the same vein as The Action Heroes Handbook or The Zombie Survival Guide. meaning the information contained within it is complete bullshit (well, not so much with The Action Heroes Handbook), but it's a great read for people who love non-sensible and impractical advice.

The Government Manual for New Superheroes has everything a fledgling superhero could possibly need to get started from choosing a name, costume and insignia to selecting equipment, keeping your new identity secret, setting up a base of operations, adopting a sidekick, making enemies and arch-nemeses, and joining an elite cadre of crime fighters such as the Coalition Of Friends For the Elimination of Evil (COFFEE).

The manual is written in a style that is easy to understand and is full of goofy humor and wit. For example, it has this to say about capes: "The simple fact is that nothing says, 'Evildoers, beware!' quite like a large piece of cloth tied around your neck." It also mentions Buffalo, NY as being the optimal city to start your career in super heroics. "Economically depressed cities like Buffalo, NY... tend to view the massive destruction wrought by alien death rays as an integral part of the urban renewal process," the book stated. Hard to recommend to serious readers, easy to recommend as a gift for like-minded friends, The Government Manual for New Superheroes is a testament to the whimsy and costs just slightly more than three contemporary comic books or equally as much as a screening of Daredevil.

So, Downtown Defenders, when you're rummaging through the laundry you haven't done in two weeks, find yourself a new alter ego, put on your tights, fly down to your local booksellers and prepare yourself for something that will take your mind up, up, and away from your studies... at least until midterms.

Grade: B

P.S. For all your superhero needs-capes, masks, grappling hooks, dimensional vortexes, etc.-MAJOR ENGLISH recommends budding moxie crime fighters check out the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Company, located at 372 Fifth Ave. in Brooklyn (or online at www.superherosupplies.com). In addition to a fully-stocked widget warehouse, the BSSC also houses the 826NYC tutoring center. And there's bound to be some crazy parties going on around Halloween. Ever Watchful, Ever Vigilant.